Sunday, March 7, 2010

Multiples and More - Question of the week!

Do you think parents of multiples are more likely to become divorced? Why or why not?
As a busy working mother of 3 1/2 year old twin boys, it is my opinion that parents of multiples have many additional challenges in making their marriage work.  It doesn't mean that they are more likely to get divorced.  It just means that they sometimes have to try harder.
Like many parents of multiples, we had to go through fertility treatments to even get pregnant in the first place!  This brings extra strain to the relationship, but it can also bring you closer because of all the different things that you go through together.  How many husbands in regular marriages can say, "I gave my wife shots in the rear so she could ovulate." or husbands that have had to "deposit" their "man juices" into a cup so that a doctor could help their wife get pregnant!  I consider all of these challenges to be part of our vows that said "in sickness or in health", because it really does come down to being a health issue.  But it can easily become a self esteem issue as well that brings strain on any relationship.  I think that sometimes husband's and wives go through these challenges and it either makes them stronger, or pulls them apart.  And unfortunately, sometimes going through these challenges together, pulling them apart and then finally having 2, 3 or more babies all at once on an already precarious relationship, can sometimes break up a marriage.  Or, once again, all of the challenges can bring a couple closer together.  
And I am very happy to say that this is what has happened to me and my husband.  We both can simply look at each other and know what we went through together and why we did it.  We have shared things together that our families can never understand and most of our friends as well.  It has created an extra special bond between us and reminds us that we went through hell to have our twins and if we can do that, we can do anything!  Do our 3 1/2 year old twin boys drive us absolutely batty?  Duh!!!  They are 3 1/2 years old and wild little animals!  But our friends have kids as well, and they have crazy times with their kids!  We simply have crazy times 2!  However, one of my friends has 4 kids (ranging from 2-8 years old) and personally, I think her job as a Mommy is harder than mine!  Even though she wonders how I deal with having twins! I tell her I don't know how she deals with having 4 kids!  I don't know any different!  They are all I have had, and I have learned how to do things double...all the time...everywhere!  
For those that are pregnant with multiples, I have to admit that the first year or so is the HARDEST and most challenging on parents of multiples with the feeding, carrying multiple babies, diapers, traveling, sleeping, etc.... of multiples!  But once they are up and running, it gets better....sort a different way!  
So I kind of went off on my opinion to the question, but here are the specific questions we were asked to answer from the Multiples and More website ....
  • What aspect of parenting multiples have you found to be the most difficult as it pertains to maintaining a relationship? - My answer...... I think the most difficult for us has simply been agreeing to parenting challenges that any other parent deals with.  How to parent, how to discipline, how to potty train, etc...  Nothing really specific to them being multiples.  My husband was wonderful when the boys came home with feeding them, changing them, etc...  We kind of liked that we each always had one of our own and we didn't have to share one baby!  
  • How do you maintain a healthy marriage/relationship? - We still have "date nights" and quiet time to ourselves after the boys go to bed! Even if it just a movie on the couch! We still make time for each other!
  • If you were to give one piece of advice to a couple who just found out they were pregnant with multiples on how to stay happy together, what would it be? - Remember that you are a team! Neither of you can get through this by yourselves!  You need each other, and your babies will need you!  Always remember that you are in this together!
  • Do you think the MOST study is accurate? - I have kind of wondered this before and was curious if it really is true! I also heard the infamous Kate say that parents of multiples are more likely to get divorced.  I personally don't think it is true.  And not that it really matters, but if you look at all the other "famous" multiples and their parents that we have seen on TV over many years, I believe that they are all still together!  I personally think that being married and having multiples makes for a stronger relationship!